Jeremy enjoys dueling in between working as a chemical analyst and campus building manager.
The Hottest Yu-Gi-Oh Cards
Okay, so to incinerate foes, you'll want the fire attribute and the pyro type—ooh, you mean the hottest cards. Yikes; but aren't these just inanimate pieces of paper? Well, maybe so, but whether or not you understand falling for a trading card, you might be surprised just how many steamy fanfics exist involving forbidden acts with these lovely ladies.
After all, Yu-Gi-Oh is generally geared towards younger men. And if there's one thing us guys love more than slaying monsters, it's pretty gals. So, question your life decisions and dip your head in shame as we wallow through the dark depths of thousands of budding adolescent minds—these are 30 of the hottest cards in Yu-Gi-Oh!
30. High Priestess of Prophecy
We could talk about how High Priest interestingly copies Dark Magician's battle stats, or how she's got some unique abilities to support the Spellbook archetype. But let's face it—she's mostly discussed for her pretty red hair, seductive pose, and revealing outfit. Top of the meta? Not quite. Eye candy? Oh yes.
29. Protector of the Throne
She may be a weak normal monster with no effects, but Protector's a cute and devoted partner whose text states she loyally guards the throne when the king is away. Oh, and did I mention she's rich? Maybe you can get her to pay for your dates (and new booster packs). You despicable gold digger, you.
28. X-Saber Anu Piranha
They're a little rusty now, but the X-Saber archetype was pretty fierce for its time, great at swarming the field and destroying multiple cards. Anu Piranha doesn't bear any effects, but her decent ATK and—oh right, you don't care. You're interested in her sinful red armor, flowing long hair, and ridiculously shaped weapon. That thing's pretty impractical—maybe you should stick near her in combat, you know, just in case she needs help. Yea, that's it.
27. Windwitch - Glass Bell
Here's a fun-loving girl who'd definitely be down for some cosplay and anime conventions, and we're not even going to mention the interesting pose Konami gave her. Best of all, she's actually pretty good, bearing some nice search entrance abilities, so you can disguise your hidden affection behind a mask of competitive dueling. Hey, the cards have actual souls in the anime, so crushing on her's not that weird, right? Keep telling yourself that on Valentine's.
26. Vampire Vamp
Forget that she's probably out for your blood. Forget that she stems from one of the worst archetypes in the game. Forget that she classifies as a zombie and has the Yu-Gi-Oh name equivalent of "Bobby Bob". Block all that out, and you've got one heck of a tempting woman who manages to dress both modestly and flatteringly. Just don't take her to the beach.
25. Isolde, Belle of the Underworld
Eh, maybe vampires aren't your thing, but demons are. Maybe try a date with the underworld's Isolde. Not only she is pretty cute, she's actually competent, able to alter the levels of zombie monsters to higher values, perfect for mighty xyz summons. Then again, since she partners with "Tristan, Knight of the Underworld", she's probably taken.
24. Amazoness Blowpiper
If you're into muscular ladies, the Amazoness set contains many fine gals to swipe yes on. Blowpiper may suck in battle, but perhaps she could compensate in...other ways. Get your mind out of the gutter, I meant as a fusion material! What were you talking about?
23. Aromage Rosemary
Rosemary wields sturdy ATK and has two effects that reward you for regenerating your life points. Still, I'll give you this one shame-free, she's pretty gorgeous. That blue hair, warm smile, random candles to set the mood—ah, romance.
22. Valkyrie Brunhilde
Decent effects? Check. Blue hair? Check. Skimpy, sword, and steed? Check, check, check. The Valkyrie series fittingly showcases some fierce women, and you won't find much prettier than Brunhilde,—just don't let her name the kids.
21. Apple Magician Girl
The Magician Girls have been confusing young boys for decades, and now you have to deal with being attracted to not just a card, but also a fruit. Still, despite her silly name, Apple Magician Girl's stylish and revealing outfit, powerful synergies, and presumably solid nutrition habits make her prime girlfriend material.
20. Warrior Lady of the Wasteland
If you like Western outfits, the mysterious Warrior Lady has you covered. Who is she, and where did she come from? Why did she pose for a photoshoot in the middle of a desert? We may never know, but like any good ex, Warrior Lady sets you up with one of her sisters or cousins upon exiting the field (through battle destruction), ensuring you're never living the single life.
19. Emissary of the Oasis
Although Oasis's effects are pretty weak, giving minor boosts to your level three and lower normal monsters, her cute yet timid appearance will make you hope she's not just a desert illusion.
18. Lady of the Lake
Lady of the Lake knows exactly how to woo a duelist. First, as a tuner, she's got some nice synchro-summoning prowess, especially with her ability to revive Noble Knight monsters from the graveyard. More than that, she adorns a dazzling wardrobe and will give you a sword for just spending time with her! Ladies, if you're looking for a date, just hand your crush a blade and recite a prophecy about him being the legendary chosen one. Gets 'em every time.
17. Blizzard Princess
Happiness is scientifically proven to be attractive, and that's why spirited girls like Blizzard Princess are hard to overlook. She's got that anime-esque blue hair guys fall for, and as a bonus, she sounds pretty wealthy. Not only that, Blizzard works great for spellcaster decks, where she can be summoned (with a daunting ATK score) for only one tribute and disables opposing spells/traps for the rest of the turn, letting you proceed unhindered.
16. Allure Queen LV7
Level (LV) monsters are generally pretty bad, but there's a few diamonds in the rough. Allure Queen isn't one of them. That said, this royal liege was aptly named. Her beauty can almost, almost make me forget how terrible she is, requiring lots of work to summon with mediocre effects that just don't justify the effort.
15. Maiden of the Moonlight
Here's one for anyone who likes tsunderes, and God help me for knowing that term. Maiden doesn't put up with any nonsense, but hey, guys like a strong-willed partner. Speaking of strong, despite her forgettable battle stats, Moonlight's flavor text tells us she's blessed with powers "far beyond mortal comprehension". Truer words have never been spoken, as to me, she just looks like a mediocre normal monster far outclassed by others.
14. Maiden With Eyes Of Blue
In the anime, Yugi's rival Seto Kaiba seems pretty picky with women, but his ancient ancestor had a relationship with the blue-eyed Maiden. Not only is she pretty (and was once real), she's an impressive support for Blue-Eyes White Dragon decks. She stalls your opponent, because they know if they attack or target her, she'll summon a Blue-Eyes from your deck. Like the best partners, Maiden understands what men want: women and dragons.
13. Gagaga Clerk
For the younger crowd, Clerk's elegant fashion and red hair (heroes love redheads) will bring the boys to the yard. She's an okay monster, giving you a free special summon if you control another member of her archetype, but a graveyard ability would have been appreciated. Oh, well, Gagaga indeed.
12. Elemental HERO Burstinatrix
Although she's kind of an attention hog with her capitalized middle name, Burstinatrix gives a new meaning to our hottest countdown. Well, at least until she fuses bodies with her brothers to form twisted aberrations like Flame Wingman that even southerners would condemn. Seriously, go out and find a nice guy outside your family.
Still, don't worry, Burst, despite your low ATK and lack of effects, I can think of two good reasons you might still get included in a deck.
11. Sonata the Melodious Diva
Like Alexis, poor Zuzu from Arc-V garners way too much attention, and she also wields a girly monster set. Still, Sonata seems like a catch, even if her yellow skin means she should work on her diet. She's undoubtedly talented with music and could serenade you whenever you wished. Plus she's not half-bad, able to special summon herself while you control another Melodious monster, then boost her team's ATK and DEF (including her own) by 500 points.
10. Laval Lakeside Lady
Obligatory "hot" double-entendre aside, Laval Lady's a dangerous yet intriguing lass. You'll have to run through burning forests to catch her, but she's glancing back as if she wants you to follow. Is it a trap or a girl with uncontrollable powers? Either way, she's an average card. Weak stats, but tuning capabilities, plus a graveyard banishing effect (if you possess other defeated Lavals) to destroy a set card.
9. Chocolate Magician Girl
I don't even want to know where she got the name "chocolate", but I'm sure many fans consider this Magician Girl delicious either way. Lust after her all you want, but I'm diggin' her sweet effects. She can discard a spellcaster each turn to draw a card, and when attacked, she can revive a spellcaster and change the target to it, meaning she'll stall your adversary until they can spare a monster removal.
8. Harpie Queen
The Harpie archetype was used in the anime by not-so-subtle pun Mai Valentine, and alongside Dark Magician Girl, they've been the original charmers since dueling's origins. If you can get past the clawed limbs, Queen's pretty cute and a great support for the Harpie archetype. She changes her name to Harpie Lady while fielded (useful for other effects), serves as a low-level beatstick, and can search the invaluable Harpies' Hunting Ground field spell from your deck.
7. Dragon Horn Hunter
Man, I'd love to get the name of Hunter's blacksmith, just look at the incredible armor! If her giant blade and spiffy black getup don't enthrall you, maybe Hunter's piercing gaze and shapely figure will. Failing that, she's also a decent card. As a monster, she brandishes a solid 2300 ATK, and in the pendulum zone, she's got a (desirably) low scale of three, increases the ATK of all normal monsters by 200, and prevents you from taking battle damage with your normal monsters.
6. Rose, Warrior of Revenge
I'm a sucker for ponytails, and Rose's red hair, stylish black duds, and ninjaesque appearance only add to her appeal. And her fire attribute definitely makes her hot (I'll stop). Although she hasn't aged well, Rose was impressive for her time, as she provided the useful tuner level of four (helping cast level eight synchro monsters) and inflicted an extra 300 burn damage whenever she dealt battle damage, giving her then-decent offensive potential even on her own.
5. Tour Guide from the Underworld
An inexplicably popular card, Tour Guide's both cute and competitive. If you like goth girls, this is the partner for you, and her normal summon ability lets her field a level three fiend from your hand or deck, perfectly setting up for a link or xyz extra deck summon.
Formerly limited, she's now semi-limited, letting her play another copy of herself when summoned.
4. SPYGAL Misty
For someone a bit older yet still beautiful, look no farther than Spygal Misty. Designed to support the meta Spyral monsters, she allies with some of the strongest units in the game, giving even more reason to harness her powers. When normal or special summoned, you guess the card type (monster, spell, or trap) of your opponent's deck's top card, and if you're right, you get a free draw. Additionally, Misty can bounce both a Spyral Super Agent and an opposing monster back to the hand on either turn. Aw, how sweet, she wants to be alone with you.
3. Sky Striker Ace - Raye
With Rei from Neon Genesis, Rey from Star Wars, and now Sky Striker Raye, no one seems to agree on how to spell the name, but with girls this formidable, it's hard to complain. Not only does Raye don a flattering yet tasteful black and white costume, she also carries a sweet glowing red and black sword. And she can take care of herself; as a monster, you can tribute her for a free Sky Striker Ace extra deck summon. Plus, if your Sky Striker link monster leaves the field due to an opposing card, you'll get to revive her from your graveyard. In other words, she's a reliable girl guaranteed to remember your birthday and anniversary.
2. Supay, Duskwalker
The original "Supay" ain't no looker, but Duskwalker has enough looks for them both. You can special summon her in defense position by discarding a card, then you can summon Supay from your hand or deck, giving perfect materials for a synchro summon.
1. Dark Magician Girl
Although she's long since been outclassed in competitive matches, Dark Magician Girl's spiritual successor "Apprentice Illusion Magician" keeps her Dark Magician support theme relevant in modern dueling. Still, for sheer beauty, it's hard to beat the classic. Dark Magician Girl consistently appears in forums, videos, and even the anime (Syrus Truesdale had a big crush on her) as the game's prettiest card. Her bubbly demeanor, reassuring smile, and (let's face it) skimpy outfit have captivated fans for years
While overpowered by others in competitive play, DMG can still be fun for collectors or for inclusion in a classic deck, and I'm always hit with a wave of nostalgia when playing her. However, be careful when shopping, as some rare copies charge surprisingly high prices. Luckily, with a little searching, you can still buy her legal English renditions for prices under a dollar!
Future of Yu-Gi-Oh Girls
To some, it may still seem silly to fawn over cards, but people get crushes on fictional anime, cartoon, and even novel characters—why stigmatize trading cards? Plus, I'm glad to see how girls are gradually being given stronger roles in various Yu-Gi-Oh anime. Though they did sometimes play the damsel in distress, 5DS's character Akiza had a much stronger dueling record than past heroines, and Arc-V's Zuzu played a surprisingly major role in the story.
Every now and then, it might be smart to remind yourself that these are just fantasy cards, but still, I don't see the harm in a few childhood crushes. So for now, as you unabashedly collect those Magician Girls and Trickstars, vote for your favorite girl and I'll see you at our next Yu-Gi-Oh countdown!
© 2018 Jeremy Gill