Jeremy enjoys dueling in between working as a chemical analyst and campus building manager.

Monster Names

Yu-Gi-Oh: A card game of strategy, skill, spells, traps . . . and ridiculously named cards. Don't get me wrong; most monsters in the series have appropriately dramatic titles: Blue-Eyes White Dragon, Star Eater, Cyber Dragon, etc. But, every so often, you'll encounter one of these guys . . .

The 20 Most Ridiculous Monster Names

1. Bacon Saver

Haha, I get it. This card's effect can "save your bacon" by banishing itself to stop an attack your opponent is declaring.

But that doesn't detract from the amusing name and artwork of this card.

2. Bat

Yea, couple things here. First, this monster has no effect and only 300 Attack, 350 Defense. Meaning, he's a pipsqueak.

Second, this name is pretty awesome because it's so short and non-descriptive, a very rare trait in Yu-Gi-Oh. Most "animal" cards at least get an adjective: Botanical Lion, Flower Wolf, etc. This dude's just Bat. I summon . . . Bat!

Last, he barely even resembles a bat! Go ask someone what this looks like, and they'll:

1. Not say "A bat."
2. Advise you to do something productive with your free time.

3. Boo Koo

Another non-effect monster with low stats, yay.

Hmm . . . looks like a book . . . name of "Boo Koo" . . . nope, I don't get it. You clever Konami card creators are way too subtle with your humor.

4. BOXer

No, that's not a typo, BOXer really does capitalize the first three letters of his name. I like it; call me JERemy from now on.

Ha-ha, he's made of cardboard boxes and he likes to box. Hilarious, Konami.

5. The Calculator

Are you one of those people who plays fantasy games expecting to encounter dragons, magic, sea monsters, or pretty much anything cool? Geez, what's wrong with you? All this time you could be playing with the exciting Calculator monster from Yu-Gi-Oh, who quickly multiplies your chances of winning. Sorry, adding that joke probably divided my readers.

Seriously, though, this guy's not too bad. He'll gain 300 Attack for each Level every monster you control possesses. Including his own, that's at least 600 (a monster's Level is indicated by the stars in the upper-right of the card).

6. Carrot Human

To find a picture of this monster, I googled "Carrot Human", and my pupils encountered things no author should ever see.

If you're ever bitten by a radioactive carrot, remember: With great potassium comes great responsibility.

If you're ever using this in a deck, take note of its 0 Defense, which combos well with cards like Masked Chameleon.

7. Cheepcheepcheep

This card is Cheepcheepcheep, similar to the establishments I take my girlfriend to. Its effect allows you to summon a Level 5 or higher Tuner monster from your deck, which can be used to Synchro Summon.

An impressive card, but seriously—we're doing chickens now, Yu-Gi-Oh?

Well, one's okay, I suppose . . .

8. Cockadoodledoo

Really? We're just doing animal noises now? Sure, your opponent summons Red-Eyes Black Dragon but he's no match for your army of Oink Oinks and Meows.

In-game, Tenders here can shift Levels to net you the Synchro monster you need.

9. Dinoster Power, the Mighty Dracoslayer

Hmm, not sure we used enough adjectives here. How's about we call him "Ultimate Battle Dinoster Power Robot Extreme, the Invincible Supersonic Dracoslayer"?

Also he has "dino" in his name, and is clearly robotic, yet is neither a Dinosaur nor a Machine type monster. Instead, he's Dragon, but I thought he slays dragons? Is this guy a clever metaphor for how power corrupts and turns you on the ones you love?

Nope, he's just a silly card.

10. Garbage Lord

Man, forget terms like "Sanitary Engineer"; "Garbage Lord" is what I'm going for if I ever become a janitor.

Someone should play competitively using this dude and never lose their straight face while saying things like, "This monster shall end our contest. I summon . . . Garbage Lord!"

Huh, I think I just described the anime.

11. Gogiga Gagagigo

Remember as a kid learning about Mississippi, and how after the first "i" there's an "i" every third letter? This card's like that, except it's "g," and it's every second letter.

Try saying this monster's name three times fast. Once you've mastered that, do it in public. On a date. Only then will you be a true duelist.

12. Humpty Grumpty

Humpty Grumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Grumpty had a great fall
All of Yu-Gi-Oh's women and men
Couldn't take Humpty Grumpty seriously again.

Alternative version:
Humpty Grumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Grumpty had a great fall
Good, that's what you get for being a freakin' grouch all day long.

13. Junkuriboh

For those who don't know, the monster card Kuriboh is kind of a mascot to Yu-Gi-Oh (think Pikachu from Pokemon). Amusing they made a version of their mascot by utilizing its "K" to form the word "Junk."

It's almost as bad as "Poopikachu" would be.

14. Lala Li-Oon

From the name Lala Li-Oon, I was expecting a singing lion or something, which would in itself be pretty odd. But this amusing title gives us a . . . thunder cloud? Uh, okay. Angry Cumulus would've worked, but you're the experts, Konami.

15. Man Eater

Woah, here she comes
Watch out boys, she's got low Attack
Woah, here she comes
She's Man Eater

Hall and Oates would be proud. To the 10% of you who get the joke, I appreciate your viewership.

16. Nopenguin

Don't believe all card titles, kids. This is very clearly a penguin.

17. People Running About

"Yo Frank, how's the new monster coming? Whaddya mean you didn't know the deadline was today? Look, just throw some dudes running around together and call it a day. That's a monster, right?"

18. Putrid Pudding Body Buddies

This sounds like a band name a 4-year old would think of, although the name "Body Buddies" implies things of a far older age demographic.

They're putrid, they're pudding, they're body buddies . . . whatever that means.

19. Ronintoadin

A ronin is a term meaning "a samurai with no lord or master during the feudal period of Japan." Ronins commonly had no home, and the word can even be translated as "wandering man."

Yea, so take all that and throw a toad in there to get a rhyme. That's quality monster-making 101.

20. Slushy

Today's last monster card is literally two spilled slushies. That's it.

Someone actually got paid to make this card. At least they gave an appropriate Attack and Defense of 0, so uh, honest advertising?

Your Vote

Future of Yu-Gi-Oh

There ya have it: twenty of the silliest creatures from Yu-Gi-Oh. They may be goofy, but it's refreshing to have Konami not take itself seriously all the time. The cards reflect the game: You can play seriously (in tournaments and such) with your Dark Magicians, or have some casual fun with good ol' Bacon Saver. Experience Yu-Gi-Oh however you like!

Thanks for reading, and I'll see you at our next Yu-Gi-Oh review (we have yet to cover goofy spells and traps)!

Questions & Answers

Question: What about Hot Red Dragon Archfiend?

Answer: Good catch! Not only is Hot Red Dragon Archfiend a powerful synchro monster who accepts any tuner/non-tuner material combination, it also makes me chuckle whenever I hear its name.

What's next, Hot-Eyes Blue Dragon?

© 2016 Jeremy Gill

Comments

H0i on January 10, 2018:

Lol

"Shes a man eater"

*me seeing it"

11/10 song bro

Sam Little from Wheelwright KY on December 22, 2016:

Very funny article. I enjoyed it.