Best Yu-Gi-Oh Monster Cards
I’ve wandered the morbid deserts of the Dragon Shrine, delved into the seas of Atlantis, fought in the battle grounds of the Dracoslayers, and made cute poses with corny phrases alongside the Super Quantums, and you know what I discovered? Everyone and his (or her) grandma’s grandma has a list for cards they see as the le crop de la crème but moi. So, here I am, giving you an opinion I’m telling you is subjective but you’ll take as objective anyway: My opinion on the top ten Monster Cards in Yu-Gi-Oh as of 2016. Instead of weighing down hubpages like an obese lover suffocating his toothpick wife, I’ll change this annually, or instantly if I deem a card is worthy of more curses than a DMV run by sloths. So, without further delay, in no particular order, the most irritating Monsters of 2016:
Mist Valley Apex Avian
Ha! The writer always wanted a reason to include his favorite card on a top list, and not just because it’s his favorite. In Mist Ninja and Bloody Mist, Avian serves as the means to an end: Success in the deck centers on him gracing the field and remaining at center stage for most plays, and he’s worth the effort. By returning a Mist Valley card to the hand, Big Bird can negate the activation of any card effect. Combine that with Mist Valley Thunderbird, a card that Special Summons itself when returned to the hand, and you have an effective lock that can freeze your opponent from doing essentially anything, unless your opponent chains to Avian or has a counter-trap waiting, of course. However, what if he isn’t the means to the end, but simply a “small” player in a deck, like, say, a Pendulum Deck with a high enough Scale? A duelist gets to negate 1 card for free each turn, while their opponent may risk valuable resources in trying to stop Apex Avian, all the while the core strategy of the Avian-abuser’s deck continues. As a captain, Mist Valley Apex Avian (To the writer’s dismay) just doesn’t have enough support to make him a top contender. But as a commando in a Pendulum deck, he makes the cut.
Red-Eyes Darkness Metal Dragon
He’s black, he’s metal, he’s big, he’s mean, and he has red eyes, and no, I’m not talking about your Black best friend who smokes fire and listens to heavy metal. If you’ve played Yugioh in the last century, this monster has terrorized you at least once. The new ambassador of the Dragon Archetype, effective replacing Blue-Eyes White Dragon, Red-Eyes-Darkness Metal Dragon makes up for his lack of 200 Attack Points with the ability to Special Summon a dragon from the Graveyard or Hand once a turn, and to Special Summon himself from the hand simply by banishing a Dragon the player controls! Essentially, anyone not insane running a Dragon deck has him stashed away somewhere within the 40 card minimum. He’s easy to summon, keeps the deck moving, and has high attack power himself. The writer still wonders why this guy wasn’t made a Fusion or Synchro Monster… but then he remembers regular effect monsters need idols too. If you’re one of the young duelists in the game, be glad you don’t remember the days when they were off the Limited list. Oh man, terrifying times…
Number 101: Silent Honor ARK
Yeah, this card’s 101 all right, as in 101-ways-for-you-to-lose-a-duel. Staring down a Stardust you can’t swing over or destroy with your plethora of card effects? No problem! Tricked a Constellar Pleiades into wasting a material and don’t want to look at it next turn? Look no further! Tired of your opponent Pendulum Summoning a particular monster every turn? Snatch it up! ARK is a rank 4 Xyz that not only can detach two monsters to attach an opponent’s to it, but also can detach a material to prevent its destruction. The writer debated whether Castel: The Skyblaster Musketeer should grace the list over Mister Silent, but a vital difference exists between the two: Castel does his thing, then, in this age of dueling, is ripe for destruction, but ARK does its thing, and then it still takes two assassinations to send it to the grave. The writer also wants to note that Silent Honor ARK paved the way for bypassing a monster’s high Attack or durability without being useless (Relinquished) or broke (Thousand-Eyes Restrict). Number 38 and Cyber Dragon Nova are just posers.
Kozmo Dark Destroyer
We had to get to the current game changers eventually… There was no avoiding it. The flagship of the Kozmo deck is as frustrating as it is deadly. This large evil ship boasts 3000 Attack, cannot be targeted by any of the opponent’s cards, and Special Summons a lower level Kozmo from the deck when destroyed and sent to the Graveyard in any fashion. It can be searched by Kozmo Farmgirl, and any of the level 4 or lower Kozmos can bring it to the field by banishing themselves. So yeah, it’s impossible to have a top monster list without the boss of one of the current top decks. The only way to destroy it is to attack over it (Ha, ha, ha…) or clear the field, but even then it can easily summon another big ship or small Kozmo Town denizen in its place. This ship is solid.
Ghost Ogre and Snow Rabbit
Remember those days when Yugioh cards were all bloodthirsty monsters worthy of guest appearances in Stephen King novels, and not lolis or the stuff of your baby brother’s Toys-R-Us fantasies? Ghost Ogre and Snow Rabbit continues killing the old tradition with its artwork, while at the same time revolutionizing the game by replacing Effect Veiler. Why settle for simply negating a monster effect when you can destroy that monster or a face-up Spell or Trap when it activates an effect? And then the little loli’s not only a tuner, but a tuner Psychic, making her an Emergency Teleport target for decks needing to Sync-out of a bad situation. Shoot, if you felt crazy enough, you could even E-Teleport into her on your opponent’s turn and wait menacingly for them to activate a monster effect. Cute little card; dark name, and an even darker effect. Until she gets hit by the banlist, expect her terror to leave more scars than a ghost from The Grudge.
We all knew it was only a matter of time before Konami made a Pendulum monster like this. Everyone knows this card is ban-bait, but there’s no way anyone with the cash to burn is not going to use it. The Exiled Force was fired for throwing wilder parties than the United States Army, and this monster happily danced into their place. Eccentrick is a Pendulum monster that, when in a Pendulum zone, can destroy itself to destroy a Spell or Trap on the field, and as a monster can be tributed to destroy a monster. Its level of 3 makes it easily spashable in most Pendulum decks, while its high scales grants duelists the option to run some level 5 or 6 monsters. Overall, this happy Archfiend’s only weakness is you won’t be tearing down a duelist’s lifepoints with it, but its effect versatility on top of it being a Pendulum makes that a mute point. On a final note, the author has one request for the “fans” of this card: Please stop dreaming with the raunchy artwork. This eccentric archfiend is most definitely a guy.
Performapal Pendulum Sorcerer
Say hello, my fellow duelists, to crown king of 2016’s top Yugioh deck. Performapal Pendulum Sorcerer speeds-up a deck that already drinks jetliner fuel and farts lightspeed: His Special Summon can trade the destruction of any two cards its ringmaster controls to add two Performapal monsters to the hand. On top of that, in the Pendulum Zone, he can boost the attack of all his buddies by 1000 when one is Pendulum summoned. Oh, and he himself is level 4 with a Scale of 2, enabling easy access to the Level 4 Performapal Xyz build. There isn’t much the writer can say about this guy that isn’t already openly printed. If this list was numbered, he wouldn’t be number 1, but number 0 in 2016.
Luster Pendulum, the Dracoslayer
Now say whatz up to the other half of the DracoPals’ top tier-ability. Luster Pendulum will forever be burned in the eyes of many a duelist for his power to lend a hand to any Pendulum deck. If you have an undesirable Scale, you can use his effect to pop a Pendulum then set it to your liking, and then Special Summon the card you just popped from the Extra Deck. Paint thinner, meet your 40 card equivalent: deck thinner. In addition, he being a tuner and a Dracoslayer opens the gateway for any of the potent Dracoslayer Extra Deck options. This dragon-knight has a lot of tricks up his sleeve, earning him a stone slot on this list.
Big sister of the loli-gang is, without a doubt, one of the most overpowered stun cards seen in a while. Any two Level 4s makes Traptrix Rafflesia, and then her quick effect can utilize any Hole card effect from the deck, while setting the grave for further Traptrix shenanigans. Her 2500 defense even ensures the opponent will have to summon a Hole target just to swing over her. Luckily, for most duelists not fooled by this vicious plant in cute-kid-clothing, making a second play after falling for Team Rocket’s oldest trick usually ends her threat, but her gracing the field still makes anyone think twice. Until Traptrix monsters get a little more support (from the way things stand, it wouldn’t take much…) players won’t need to fear her power to grant god-mode to all her little sisters. Trix aren’t for kids anymore.
Super Quantal Mech King Great King Magnus
Konami must believe name size to cards is shoe size to humans, because this guy staring you down means you’re in for some a long, hard lifepoint drop. Surprisingly easy to summon, a monstrous attack, immunity to all card effects, the power to return a card to the deck once during either player’s turn, and a built in Mistake excluding the mech’s owner, what is there not to hate about this card? Voltron’s distant cousin and the Power Rangers’ Megazord’s long lost brother, Magnus truly embodies the spirit of old super sentai shows by being the all-powerful game-ender when he hits the field. The Quantum archetype even has a megasword no one ever runs. The writer thinks it’s truly awesome this card exists, but considers it disastrous when it forms. Any duelist not playing with a battle plan will definitely scoop (Yugioh jargon for fold or quit) the second it appears he might appear, and that psychological damage earns him a slot among the greats.