10 Reasons Why Spider-Man Is Better Than Batman
I grew up loving Spider-Man! He was the superhero that I most related to, and I used to get his comic every week and devour it from cover to cover. It helped that we shared the same first name—no, not “Spider"—Peter. I would read avidly of his exploits and victories, his life as a reluctant superhero, and his emotional turmoil in his non-Spidey times.
As a child I couldn’t quite understand why they made a TV show of Batman but not one of Spider-Man. You remember the show with Adam West as Batman in a somewhat camp romp through Gotham City as "POW" and "SLAM" were emblazoned across the screen. And yet, no Spider-Man TV show. It was the same with the movie genre—the first Batman movie starring Michael Keaton as the caped crusader was released in 1989, but the first Spider-Man was not released until 2002. Batman always seemed to get the bigger billing and all the glory.
Why Spidey Is Superior to Batman
Well, I think that Spider-Man is the better superhero by far, and here are 10 reasons why:
- He Spins Webs
- He Has a Girlfriend
- He Isn't Wearing His Underpants on the Outside
- He Can Kiss Upside Down
- He Isn't Afraid of Spiders (or Bats!)
- He Doesn't Need a Sidekick
- He Can Stick to a Wall Unaided
- He Is Colourful, Not Dowdy
- His Real Name Isn't Two First Names
- He's Never Been Played by George Clooney
1. He Spins Webs
I don’t know about you, but having the ability to propel a web-like substance from your wrists that is strong enough to carry your own weight is pretty darn cool. This same substance is able to carry the weight of a vehicle, to entrap villains and even provided a nice romantic canopy for Spidey and his lady to lay back and gaze at the stars.
Can Batman do that? Nope. He has no such superhuman creation that he can produce at will from within his own body that is capable of doing this much. I guess he could summon up some saliva, but hey, I don’t imagine it’ll get him very far.
2. He Has a Girlfriend
Spider-Man, or Peter Parker, as he is really known, has a real girlfriend. He is a down-to-earth guy with a normal life and has attracted Mary Jane Watson (MJ) by his personality, compassion, and genuineness. He doesn’t need all the money and fame that Bruce Wayne (Batman) has to be attractive to women. Money can come and go, but true personality and integrity will remain.
Ladies are attracted to heroes, but they want genuine ones. Peter Parker is one such man and he has a steady girlfriend in MJ. Does Batman have a steady squeeze? I think not.
3. He Isn't Wearing His Underpants on the Outside
Okay, this is one for the fashion police. No one should be allowed out in public if they are wearing their underpants on the outside of their clothes. This is a basic rule I learned as a young child when my Mom taught me to dress myself. Even as a 3-year-old, I didn’t get it wrong, and still we find Batman making a fashion faux pas in this area.
The Batman TV show did nothing to increase the “Caped Crusader’s” street cred when people across the world saw him dressed that way. He looked decidedly less than manly, shall we say? Spider-Ma,n on the other hand, although also dressed in a tight-fitting outfit, remembered the golden rule of clothing etiquette—no one wants to see your undies!
I personally blame Batman with the current trend amongst young men to have their jeans hanging down so low that their underpants are showing. They all want to secretly be like Batman! People, look to a better role model in Spider-Man. Red and blue are tastefully combined to create a winning ensemble.
4. He Can Kiss Upside Down
A superhero must have, within his arsenal of tricks, many tools. From my recollection Spider-Man is the first one I have ever seen to employ the upside down kiss technique. In fact I don’t recall Batman actually kissing anyone (back to the my 2nd point about the no girlfriend).
Spidey is extremely competent at hanging upside down in a rain soaked back alley, suspending himself at exactly the right height to reach his lips to those of MJ. It was a memorable scene and one that wins over MJ’s heart and those of ladies everywhere. Batman, sorry buddy, you just don’t got it!
5. He Isn't Afraid of Spiders (or Bats!)
The fear of spiders is consistently in the top two phobias for people across the globe. Many a grown man has been seen to run crying when an arachnid the size of a dime appears in the vicinity. Spider-Man does not share this irrational fear of these loveable creepy crawlies. Instead he embraces the skills, power and cunning of these tiny creatures. Nor is he afraid of bats like Batman is. What is the point in naming yourself Bat-man when you are afraid of your own name?
Spider-Man gets it right. Stand up for something you love, not something that scares you. I bet you could put Spider-Man in a room of tarantulas and he’d be snoozing with furry octopeds crawling all over him. Put Batman in a room with bats and he’d be sniveling in the corner like a baby!
6. He Doesn't Need a Sidekick
The Lone Ranger had Tonto, Butch Cassidy had the Sundance Kid, Starsky had Hutch, Mork had Mindy, Thelma had Louise, and Spider-Man had . . .
That’s right, Spider-Man had nobody to hold his hand. He was all the superhero he needed to be without a right-hand man or woman to pick up the slack where he dropped the ball. No matter what it took, he got the job done. What about Batman, though? He also needed his sidekick Robin to help boost him when he was feeling down, to lay out the guy behind him who was about to clock him over the head with a chair (another KAPOW!), and to be the blundering rookie to make Batman look better than he really was. Spider-Man needed nobody.
7. He Can Stick to a Wall Unaided
The Batman TV show used to have these really cheesy scenes of Batman and Robin climbing up the side of a building, pulling themselves along with a cable that came out of a pouch on Batman’s bright yellow accessory belt. To any sane person watching it was clear that they were actually walking on a flat surface and the screen was then rotated to make it look like they were scaling this huge skyscraper in Gotham City. The result was zero credibility. Wouldn’t it have been better if they had just climbed the building with their hands just by sticking them to the brick?
Obviously the reason Batman couldn’t do that was, well, because he couldn’t do that! Spider-Man, on the other hand, has a supernatural ability to climb without any assistance from cables, accessories or trick photography. That is yet another reason why I'm going to "stick" with Spidey.
8. He Is Colourful, Not Dowdy
Spider-Man is a larger than life, stand out from the crowd sort of guy who is willing and able to wear bright colours no matter what the occasion. Batman on the other hand sticks with the dark, drab and dowdy tones. Predominantly he wears black, which, although slimming, does not allow freedom of expression and bring joy to people. Traditionally black is associated with sin, darkness and evil – none of which are character traits you would want to see on a superhero’s resume now is it?
Spider-Man brightens your day when you see him in his red and blue. Batman depresses you. He even has taken on the title of ”Dark Knight” which is hardly a good role model for young children. Spider-Man is not narrow minded though, because in the movie Spider-Man 3, he does try to relate to Batman by donning a black Spidey-suit but the results are disastrous and so he reverts back to the tried and true red and blue. Red and blue is the new black!
9. His Real Name Isn't Two First Names
As mentioned, Spider-Man’s real name is Peter Parker. Batman’s real name is Bruce Wayne. Notice that Batman uses two names that are traditionally first names? Spider-Man instead goes with the more traditional first name then surname set up so that he is able to relate to his followers better. The use of two first names by Batman shows a definite lack of creativity and that would be a lesser quality for a super hero.
Then there is Spider-Man’s name itself: Peter Parker. Just say it and it rolls off the tongue so nicely. The two letter P’s add punctuation, power and purpose to the name. They speak of a well-rounded personality. Bruce Wayne on the other hand has no pizzazz to it and frankly is very lame, which almost rhymes with Wayne.
10. He's Never Been Played by George Clooney
The three Spider-Man movies to date have all had the role of Peter Parker/Spider-Man played by the excellent Tobey Maguire. His portrayal of Spidey was continually both compelling and believable. Viewers were able to relate to the human frailty seen in his family life and relationships, but also to the confidence and community mindedness of his alter ego.
On the other hand, on the big screen Batman has been played by Michel Keaton (twice), Val Kilmer, Christian Bale (3 times, including The Dark Knight Rises in 2012), and also George Clooney. Why so many actors you may ask? The only answer can be that they, like me, have come to the all too obvious conclusion that Batman is a lesser superhero to the much greater, much braver, much more beloved Spider-Man.
So There You Have It
The conclusion is easy for all to see. My 10 irrefutable reasons why Spider-Man is better than Batman. The evidence speaks for itself.
July 3rd, 2012 was the release of The Amazing Spider-Man. The legend of Spider-Man will continue as we get a look at Peter Parker’s childhood and teenage years and grow to appreciate the make up of the man who is your friendly neighbourhood Spider-Man.