I read way too much Harry Potter fanfiction, and humor and adventure genres are my staple. This is a selection of fics I found hilarious.
What's on the List
After reading hundreds, if not thousands of Harry Potter fanfics over the years, I compiled this top 10 list of the funniest ones that made me snicker if not laugh out loud. They range in length from one-shots to sprawling epics, but all of them are complete. Because I set completeness as a requirement, I didn't include some of my ongoing favorites like Harry Potter, Geek of Magic or Harry Is A Dragon, And That's Okay, but it can't be helped.
Since humor is subjective, it could very well be that you won't find some of the entries as funny as I did. If you see any of your own favorites on the list, though, you should enjoy most of the remaining selections as well.
Best Funny Harry Potter Fanfiction
- Seventh Horcrux by Emerald Ashes
- A Black Comedy by nonjon
- Oh God Not Again! by Sarah1281
- Harry the Hufflepuff by BajaB
- Inspected By No 13 by Clell65619
- Lessons With Hagrid by NothingPretentious
- Lets do the Time Warp Again by Rorschach's Blot
- Out of the Fire and into the Cupboard by HalfASlug
- Weeb by Andrius
- Slytherin Career Day by cambangst
1. Seventh Horcrux by Emerald Ashes
Seventh Horcrux explores the premise of Voldemort's soul shard taking over baby Harry's body and posing as him from thereon. Most of the humor stems from hilarious misunderstandings that arise as "Harry" interacts with his classmates, Hogwarts staff, and Voldemort's former comrades. Seventh Horcrux is written in a wonderfully dry and witty style, and despite qualifying to be called a crackfic, it has a coherent plot and a satisfying ending.
Length: 104,212 words
Ah, Severus, my most loyal servant. It was good to see that, even a decade after my disappearance, he continued to attack my enemies. I suspected this would negatively impact my Potions grade, since I currently was one of my enemies. Nevertheless, his devotion was admirable.
2. A Black Comedy by nonjon
A Black Comedy has Harry accidentally fall through the Veil and end up in an alternate dimension where Voldemort is still around. Does he save the world? Reunite with his family, who are still alive? Not exactly. He joins forces with Sirius, who ended up in the same place after his tumble through the Veil, and sets out to tick off as many people as possible, throwing wild parties and flirting with anyone who has a pulse along the way. This entire fic is like a raunchy teen comedy from the early 2000s, and I love it.
Length: 246,320 words
"I'm not a parseltongue," Harry tiredly explained. "I'm a parselmouth. The language I can speak and understand is parseltongue. And if you've ever seen an anaconda you can understand why I sometimes get called a parselcrotch."
3. Oh God Not Again! by Sarah1281
Oh God Not Again! is a do-over, or a "Peggy Sue" fic, in which Harry from the future gets thrown back into his eleven-year-old body. The fic retells the first four years in the Harry Potter series, with Harry being a sarcastic little jerk and claiming his foreknowledge comes from his "psychic scar."
Length: 162,639 words
"Ah, yes," were Snape's first words to him. "Harry Potter. Our new – celebrity."
"I'm sorry, sir, is that your way of asking for an autograph?" Harry asked innocently. He took the vein bulging in Snape's forehead to be a 'no' and continued, "It's just that I only found out that my parents weren't drunken bums who died in a car crash a little over a month ago, so I'm very new to this fame thing. I appreciate how considerate you're being."
4. Harry the Hufflepuff by BajaB
In Harry the Hufflepuff, Harry is utterly and irredeemably lazy; his greatest ambition is to relax and lay around all day. The only reason he ends up in the house of the hard-working is that there no lengths he won't go to in order to make his life easier. That includes, among other things, learning Runes just so he could draw sequences that would cast spells for him, jury-rigging a quill that writes assignments on its own, and being fascinated with household and cleaning spells.
BajaB has also written similarly sized sequels for years two, three, and four.
Length: 29,190 words (for the first year)
All four of Harry's assignments were identical, aside from the heading and dates, and consisted of a single, neatly written answer:
Kill it with fire.
Harry's four-word answer to the question of how to handle four vastly different creatures was technically correct, but completely violated the spirit and intention of the assignment.
5. Inspected By No 13 by Clell65619
Inspected By No 13 is not only hilarious but also has one of the most creative ways to tackle the first task of the Triwizard Tournament that I've seen. When Harry is forced to participate in the deadly competition, he's prepared to do anything to survive, which, in this case, involves pretending to be a Ministry Inspector. To his chagrin, it turns out the Inspector badge he had donned is real, and he is now a part of the Department of Magical Inspections. Even Voldemort won't stand a chance against the power of bureaucracy.
Length: 18,472 words
"Good evening, Mr. Pettigrew," the boy said clicking his quill, "Ministry inspection. This appears to be a standard Necromantic reanimation ritual, class 2. Shall we begin? Your documentation, please?"
"You're doomed, Potter," Voldemort snarled. "We have countered your power, we've taken every precaution, we've done everything by the book, and you don't stand a…"
Potter held up his right hand, his index finger extended upward in the universal signal for quiet.
"If you please," the boy said, "I was addressing Mr. Pettigrew, not his necromantic abomination. This is human talk, Sir."
Necromantic abomination? Voldemort blinked. That was surprisingly hurtful.
6. Lessons With Hagrid by NothingPretentious
Lessons With Hagrid has Harry learning some rather unconventional—if brutally effective—methods to protect his mind from the only other master Occlumens in Hogwarts besides Snape. Who would've thought Hagrid, of all people, was good enough to keep Voldemort out of his mind?
Length: 4,357 words
After a few minutes, he slammed a mouldering pile of parchment down onto the rough-hewn table, knocking Harry's teacup over. The stack of documents was held together with garden twine. There was a large marmalade stain just below the painstakingly-handwritten title, which read "Protectin' Yer Bleedin' Mind, A Treatise In One Part By Me, Rubeus Hagrid".
Harry looked up, eyes round. "You've written a book, Hagrid?"
The half-giant chuckled hugely. "Blimey, Harry, I've written dozens of th' blighters."
He held up two tomes - "The Joy O' Animals, By A Hogwarts Gentleman" and "Kneazle Huntin' Fer Fun And Profit, By Perfesser Hagrid" - both of them bound in bark.
7. Lets do the Time Warp Again by Rorschach's Blot
Lets do the Time Warp Again is another story that takes an older Harry's mind back to the past. Armed with knowledge of the future, he enacts horrible vengeance upon the Dursleys, Peter Pettigrew, and anyone who wronged him, and also builds himself a harem. It's very much a tongue-in-cheek story that pokes fun at Harry Potter canon and popular fanfiction tropes. The writing is a little rough around the edges, but Rorschach's Blot is a master of crack, and I simply had to include this story here.
Length: 36,402 words
"Hello," Harry smiled. "I need a portkey to a cemetery so that I can desecrate a grave."
"Really?" The shopkeeper eyed him, "and why would you want to do that?"
"Collecting potions ingredients," Harry shrugged. "Why?"
"Just asking," the shopkeeper handed over a portkey. "It's two way and it'll return you to a street corner right in front of the most vicious wizarding lawyer's office."
"Wow," Harry took the portkey. "That's suspiciously convenient."
8. Out of the Fire and into the Cupboard by HalfASlug
Harry is dragged into a game of hide and seek by his godson Teddy during Ron and Hermione's wedding and decides to hide in a cupboard. Then George barges in to hide there from Aunt Muriel. Then Ginny. Then Ron and Hermione, looking for a private place. You get the idea.
Unlike some of the crackfics I listed, Out of the Fire and into the Cupboard is just fluffy, wholesome fun featuring a situation that could realistically happen in the Harry Potter universe. It's something I'd wholeheartedly recommend to first-time readers and everyone looking for funny canon-compliant fics.
Length: 6,731 words
After years of battles and exams, death and destruction, Quidditch trophies and more of Molly Weasley's cooking than any one human should ever consume, Harry Potter found himself back where his story began - in a cupboard.
9. Weeb by Andrius
As a result of growing up on anime, Harry enters Hogwarts with rather peculiar ideas about magic and a desire to build himself a harem. Too bad for him, girls don't exactly fall over themselves to date him. Weeb features plenty of cringe-worthy shenanigans, an unhealthy obsession with monstergirls, and Harry generally making an ass of himself. It's about the only fic I know where Harry actively strives to build a harem yet doesn't quite succeed.
Length: 124,315 words
Taking a deep breath, he found his happy place and said, "Expecto Patronum!"
A great silvery octopus burst from his wand and glided through the air as people paused to stare in admiration—and, in case of the witches, apprehension. Then it promptly sailed towards Padma and started pawing at her hair with its appendages.
"Ugh," she said, her hands passing through the translucent shape as she tried fruitlessly to push it away. "Get your creepy tentacle thing off me!"
"Not again," Harry muttered.
10. Slytherin Career Day by cambangst
Let's top the list off with a less-known gem that is Slytherin Career Day. It is O.W.L. year for Harry Potter's yearmates, and the Heads of Houses have to discuss their students' career plans. Given that the fifth-year class of Slytherin consists of spoiled pureblood brats and people like Crabbe and Goyle, Professor Snape has his work cut out for him. I never thought that a humorous fic could make me feel sorry for Snape, but this one almost did.
Length: 4,290 words
“Mr. Goyle, have you given any thought to what you plan to do after you graduate from Hogwarts?”
Goyle’s thick brows lowered slightly, partially concealing the confused optimism in his beady eyes. "Graduate?”
Snape forced his lips into a taut smile. “Yes, let’s think optimistically for a moment.”
Annie Poe from Coimbatore, Tamil Nadu, India on September 08, 2020:
These really sound like some great must read fan fiction stories. Thanks for the recommendation.